Three Up & East
Saturday, July 3, 1999: "With Respect…"
By Mark Lyndon Pautz

Route for Day 1:

Janovského 36/919, Prague 7 (N 50°06,149’ E 014°26,001’)

Brno (N 49°09,994’ E 016°36,680’)

Buchlov Castle (N 49°06,515’ E 017°18,708’)

Uherské Hradiště (N 49°02,413’ E 017°28,260’)

Starý Hrozenkov/CZ-SK Border (N 48°58,236’ E 017°52,438’)

Trenčín (N 48°54,503’ E 018°02,373’)
Distance covered = 438 km

We were late. So what’s new? But I guess it was understandable if one considers the immutable fact that Donald Massyn and I had "done" the strip and lap-dance joints of Prague till 04h30 the previous morning! The long slog at work had not been easy but, by the end of the day, I was quite surprised with what I had achieved.
Donald, Débra Childs and I met at our apartment in Holesovice and, after a few sun-downers, headed into town. Following an excellent meal and two bottles of Rioja at "Restaurace Bazaar" (at the foot of Prague Castle), sleep had come easily.
As Monday and Tuesday were public holidays in the Czech Republic, Debra and I had decided to take a motorcycle ride out east. Coincidentally, Donald was going to be visiting from South Africa at the same time, so that changed our plans just a little! So a bike and a car it was to be. All of the luggage was packed into the 1.6 Skoda Felicia, so the BMW R80GS was "uncluttered" and, without a passenger and luggage, incredibly nimble and enthusiastic.
After going into town to buy a few films, we eventually hit the road at 10h45. Unfortunately we were not the only ones who had decided to get out of Prague for the long weekend, and we joined the grid-lock of cars making the exodus to the country. The weather was good, and I was riding. Debra was driving while Don played passenger. Separated by a two kilometre traffic jam, we regrouped at the McDonalds just outside of Prague. We were ready to start the serious motoring!
The highway to Brno was, as always, incredibly boring. Road works frequently slowed the flow down to a trickle, and the driving habits of the pilots of some of the older (Communist bloc) Czech cars made me feel like I was playing Russian roulette as opposed to going on holiday! Don and Debs chatted on.
As with Robert M. Pirsig, author of "Zen & the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance", the focus that long distance motorcycling requires often leads me to a state of deep contemplation. On the Brno highway, some serious issues crossed my mind....like "Slovnaft". Huh? Oh, Slovnaft is a fuel company that has a chain of filling stations across Central Europe. But mulling over the name I had an "ah-haa" experience…. Slovnaft could also be a good descriptor for a homosexual from Slovakia!!! Think about it all you South Africans :-)
Well OK, my thoughts weren’t all that deep!
Two hours later and Debs had clearly forgotten about me…she was gunning along at a rate of knots that made the ride just a bit more "challenging" for me. The GS had just clocked over its 8,000th kilometre and had never hit 6,500 RPM before. To keep up with the Skoda I had to gas up to that pace. The speedometer was reading 160 km/h+, but the GPS showed an actual speed of between 150 and 155 km/h. Even though the road was straight and boring, I enjoyed myself immensely.
Just before Brno we stopped at a Shell garage to refuel and to munch a Big Mac. Hmmm, another deep thought…I wonder if in Japan the Big Macs are faster and reduced in size? Pathetic huh?! Having cleaned my visor, I handed the bikes keys over to Don. I had bought the GS "Pragahari" back in the autumn on 1997 and, to date, I have been the only rider. To date she had been faithful, reliable and monogamous. Today, with my blessing, she was about to become a slut! Following a reminded to "keep right" and to treat her with respect, Don fired up the wanton bitch, and we were once again heading south.
On the highway to Brno I shot a few pictures of Don "in action" on my baby’s back - I had to capture the moment in graphic detail! I must say he seemed to be treating her very gently - an upstanding fellow our Don Juan! On the approach to Brno we cut back on our pace, but decide not to stop at the international Grand Prix circuit. Why? Well that’s obvious…my wife made it blatantly clear that Buchlov Castle was far more important to see than a goddamn race track! Where are her priorities??
On the road to Buchlovice we made a small detour into the village of Nesovice in an attempt to take a look at the hill-top chateau. The route to the crest was not marked at all, and we unfortunately had to make fast our escape after Don inadvertently rode up a pedestrian path, much to the ire of the local Greens! Hee-hee!!

One hundred and twenty kilometres after our Big Mac stop, we finally reached Buchlov Castle, parking in the lot at the bottom of the knoll. By 15h00 we had paid our entrance fee, and had joined a Czech tourist group and their guide who were about to do the grand tour. I must say that of all the castles I have visited in Czech Republic, this must be the best preserved and presented of all. It’s a charming place with neat collections…and the thick castle walls provided welcome relief from the searing sun outdoors. The current custodians of the castle obviously care for the place, and all visitors have to don thick felt slippers over their shoes to protect the delicate tiles and timbers on the floor.
With respect to earlier custodians, I must say that I have mixed feelings. Both the progenitors and descendants of Leopold Graf von Berchtold had some "scientific" interests of questionable morality. Hmmm! The pseudo-Egyptian room, complete with real sarcophagus and mummy stolen from Alexandria. The hunting trophies including brown bear, polar bear, okapi (really…extinct for 100 years in Africa), giant anaconda skins from South America, Narwhal tusks from the Arctic, African elephant tusks, North American alligator skins and so on. All very depressing.
What made me even more morose was the "anthropology" collection. A collection of human skulls, I would assume of different races and nationalities. One skull was painted black - I guess that was supposed to represent a person of African origins. More macabre was the skeleton of a human foetus in a bottle, and bits and pieces of a chimpanzee. There were other lumps of organic material preserved in formaldehyde, but I didn’t care to take a closer look. Not my cup of tea really.
For me our short visit to Buchlov Castle presented both the light and dark sides of the "Old World" and the German nobility that once occupied this part of Moravia. They were patrons of the arts and sciences who left a legacy of magnificent castles and chateaux. On the other hand they raped and pillaged other cultures, and saw nature as something to be dominated and controlled…with scant regard for the consequences or the ethics and morality involved. But who are we to stand in judgement - I guess their lifestyles merely reflected the times they lived in. They were no different to the rest of European nobility who had the same "God-given right" to do what they damn-well wanted!! But what do I know??

After a refreshing drink, we left Buchlov Castle - I was on the GS and Debs and Don were in the Skoda. We headed for the Starý Hrozenkov border post that would take us into the Slovak Republic. The stop had taken two hours out of our itinerary and, quite frankly, I was feeling a little fatigued. The countryside was a deep forest green, the roads were relatively empty, and the late afternoon sunlight was soft and soothing. I was falling asleep! But then… MOUNTAIN ROAD!!! Yeee-haaa!! I twisted the grunt-grip and let the ponies do their thing. Left, right, left, right…it was reminiscent (in both gradient and surroundings) to Magoeba’s Kloof in Mpumalanga province, South Africa. The adrenaline was like a shot of Red Bull into my arteries, and all notions of sleep were dispelled. The Skoda disappeared from my rear-view mirror - I was having fun!
We stopped on the Czech side of the Starý Hrozenkov border, had a cold drink and a packet of crisps, and filled up the BMW’s tank. The border crossing was relatively painless - in fact, something quite amusing happened. The Slovak immigration officer looked at me and asked laughingly "Do South Africans need visas"? I smiled and said no. He and his colleague scanned down the list on their wall, shook their heads, looked at each other, shrugged and sheepishly handed my passport back to me. One of them asked me whether I liked my bike and if it went fast. I replied in the affirmative. He responded by asking me to "drop the clutch" when I pulled away. I obliged with a smile, and pulled over to one side, waiting for the Skoda.
Don and Debs joined me in the Slovak Republic, and we looked around for a "Bureau de Change". We spotted one to our left, but as that was the route into the Czech Republic, it was impossible to get to it. We drove a bit further and stopped to take some photos at the "Welcome to the Slovak Republic" sign. I then turned around and went back to the change shop to get some local currency. Unfortunately they ran out of Slovak Crowns, so I went to the next shop and completed the time-consuming transaction. It was hot, and I was really sweating!
The road to Trenčín was easy going. We had clearly moved into the "bread box" of the old Czechoslovakia - there were fertile, crop-filled fields in all directions, and they looked magnificent in the soft, late-afternoon light. This was a very serene part of our trip. As we approached the city of Trenčin, the straight, flat road was bordered by sunflowers on the left and oil seed rape to the right. Almost simultaneously the Skoda and I spotted the magnificent Trenčín Castle on a rocky headland beyond the ripe oil seed rape. We stopped, soaked up the ambience, and shot off far too many frames on this picturesque vista! Don could not control himself, and went frolicking in the rape fields!

We decided that this was where we would spend the night, and started hunting for accommodation. In the process we turned down a blind alley and were presented with the most magnificent view of the castle over the Váh River. More photos! Crossing the river we turned left and found the centre of the "Old Town", stopping at the three star Hotel Tatra. Don went in to check price and availability - although they had a triple room available, we were not keen on paying Sk 4,130 for the night and decided to look around.

Over an hour later Don and I got back to Debs (who we had left at the car). I had found one place on the hill behind the castle, and Don had had minimal success with a Pension owner who wanted to have nothing to do with three sweaty bikers! We checked into the Hotel Tatra, the Slovakian Hotel of the Year 1998!

Hotel Tatra, Trenčín.
ul. M.R. Štefánika 2
911 01 Trenčín
Tel. + 421 831 6506-111
Fax. + 421 831 6506-213
E-mail: tatra@tn.sknet.sk

The evening was fun - two cafés and a restaurant. My companions were drinking "Smädnź Mních" and "Šariš" beer, while I was quaffing the local red table wine. The temperature was still up in the high 20’s at 22h00. The 70 room Hotel Tatra was built in 1901 and is right at the base of the 13th century castle. Its street-facing restaurant was the only place open by the time we decided to eat. The highlight of the meal was the apéritif, a drink called "Slovenské Hriatô". This Slovak speciality contains vodka, caramelised sugar and bacon fat!! As terrible as it may sound, the "pork cocktail" was great! The food was nothing special - typical (fattening) Central European fare.
On the way back to room 122, Don and I bought two "Monte Cristo", Habana cigars from the reception. Back upstairs we swung open the bay doors on the balcony, stripped down to our underwear, and raided the mini-bar! Don went for the Soberano Brandy from Jerez, and I grabbed the Johnny Walker. With feet up on the balcony we lit up, sipped our drinks and we looked down at pedestrian section of the old town! It was surreal - two sweaty South Africans, with a German motorcycle and a Czech car, smoking Cuban cigars, and drinking Spanish brandy and Scotch whisky in the Slovak Republic! It’s one of those moments that will NEVER be repeated…and was the perfect end to the first day of our trip to the east.